Easy Guide To The BART Problem

Everybody’s favorite transit system, BART  - or Bay Area Rapid Transit – is facing the second union strike in less than a month due to contract negotiation problems. There are lots of details and facts and hyperbole and nonsense floating around, but what can you really believe? Here’s an easy guide!

BART Workers


What they say they do: keep the system safe, clean and running for their wonderful customers.
What they actually do: clean up occasionally in between telling customers to go use the automated machine and shooting the shit.
What they say the strike is about: fighting for fair treatment and a better transit system for their riders.
What the strike is really about: money! Pay us more and give us healthcare for less!
If they get their way: fares will go up, BART will still be hot, dirty and overcrowded and you’ll still be told to go use the automated machines.

BART Management

What they say they do: work to make sure BART remains a pillar of public transit in America while keeping it affordable and safe for riders.
What they actually do: receive pretty hefty salaries to blame all problems on BART workers, look nice in suits when asked questions on TV.
What they say the strike is about: keeping fares at an affordable rate for riders and remaining on budget while doing the best they can for workers.
What the strike is really about: money! We’d like to pay you less and have you pay more for your own healthcare.
If they get their way: fares will go up in 18 months anyway and that homeless guy covered in urine will still get that entire seat to himself to sleep during your morning ride.

BART Riders


What they say they do: rely on BART to get to work quickly, safely and affordably
What they actually do: treat BART like their personal nap station, trashcan and spittoon.
What they say the strike is about: Greedy BART workers who don’t understand how salaries and healthcare work in the “real world.”
What the strike is really about: if most riders had any hope or self-respect left they’d want the same things BART workers want, but when you’re a 44-year-old office Temp you stop thinking like that.
If they get their way: when you ride BART, you know you’re never going to get your way. Oh, you need that seat for your bag of empty cans? All right, I’ll stand! 


Non-BART Commuters

What they say they do: they need their car in order to get where they’re going fast for business!
What they actually do: hate all the rest of filthy, dirty humanity and would never ride those metal stink-tubes.
What they say the strike is about: stupid BART workers who get paid too much wanting more.
What the strike is really about: If all those poor people are on the road with me, I’m going to be even angrier and more of a pain-in-the-ass to everybody I encounter daily than I already am.
If they get their way: GET OUT OF MY WAY YOU IDIOT! THIS IS WHY YOU DRIVE A HYUNDAI!

The Rest of America

What they say they do: have no idea what BART is.
What they actually do: come to visit San Francisco and think it’s okay to keep their giant bag in the aisle.
What they say the strike is about: is that carpet on a subway? That’s gross. You should get rid of that.
What the strike is really about: does this go to Fisherman’s Wharf? No? How do I get to Fisherman’s Wharf?
If they get their way: Fisherman’s Wharf is nice, but the rest of the city is so dirty!

Jul 31. 6 Notes.

Notes

  1. mortiboys reblogged this from drewharmoncomedy and added:
    Concise, and perfect.
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