Hey, Comedians - Big Opportunity!
Hey, comedians - I have an AMAZING opportunity for you!
See, I’m opening up a restaurant. The food will be mediocre, people will have to pay a hefty cover just to get in the door AND I’ll demand that they buy at least two things while they’re here. And here’s the part that should interest you - YOU can work here as a waiter!
If you want to get involved in this amazing chance for employment, first you have to come to me, on your knees, and beg for a chance. If I feel like it, I’ll give you a chance to do it, for no money whatsoever, a few times. If I don’t feel like it I’ll just ignore you until you go away, without explanation. But if you’re lucky, after waiting awhile I’ll acknowledge that you exist. Then, you have to promise to bring at least 15-20 of your friends every single night you’re waiting tables, each of them subject to the hefty door fee and purchasing (mediocre!) food and drinks. If you manage to cajole 15-20 people into showing up for your shifts for a year or two, then here’s the best part - I’ll pay you $250 to work three shifts over a weekend. BUT - if you can’t get them to show up, I’ll pay you nothing and tell you that you’re not any good, don’t know how to promote yourself and don’t have the heart to make it and should probably kill yourself.
People say I’m crazy for operating a business like this, but I think it will work just fine. Start sending your e-mails now, because I’m running out of hopes to squash!
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